The Hardest Thing

I wasn’t so sure if you realized it or not, but the ‘barang yang lepas jangan dikenang’ was actually referring to you. Yep.

I’m writing this because I need you to know the truth. Don’t worry, I’m not expecting anything out of this. I’ve given up on so many things that I’m becoming numb. However, I’ve made a promise to myself, from now on; I will not have any regrets when I reminisce back about the past. And, this is one of those things I don’t want to regret later in my life.

I still remember the things you said a few years ago, about the false hope thing if you can recall? Gosh! How stupid am I to expect you to reply the messages I sent randomly on the FB.

I’ve been waiting for you for the past years, kept on talking and talking about you. This funny thing is that, you have a certain feeling towards somebody, and you think that the person is the one but then you figure that you’re no good for that person and you have to let go of that person, just because ‘something’ is not even there in the beginning. And it sort of give you a tight slap on the face. The feeling is just, I don’t know. Deep inside, you just regret because you know nothing about anything. And yes, this is to clarify on all those messages and card I gave you. It might seem like I’m giving excuses, and you can think that way if you want to.

So now, I guess I should stop dreaming and start keeping up with the reality. You can remember this that this thing will never be mentioned again, not the slightest hint of it, I promise. The least thing I should do is pray for your happiness.

Looking back, while hanging out with one of our friends, I drafted on a crumpled tissue with a pen that I borrowed from her. I was drafting a proposal to you at the warung. It was crazy and exciting at the same time. That’s how serious I was back then. By far, this is the most sincere I’ve written and I’m glad that I wrote this for someone like you.

Then, like you said, just let it go. So, that’s exactly what I’m going to do, to let it go. So long, goodbye.